If you’re wondering, yes it has been a long time.
A lot has happened, as usual, but not as traumatic as the last time something has happened. I wanted to write a new blog only after I updated the website but things just happen all so fast. There is no stopping the clock, the world does not pause, it keeps going on and on and there’s no fighting the current. I’m 31 now and doing too much as usual.
I work full time Monday-Friday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I go to water therapy at 8am to help with my newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia chronic illness that’s been kicking my ass. I see doctors and specialists every other month or so and take 7 medication a day. Turns out, trauma can activate certain genetic diseases so thanks ICU visit!
When I have the energy, I work on my Patreon or pack Etsy orders or work on inventory for my side small business, The Little Crow’s Market, that I started in Nov 2021. It’s an art vending machine. I own 2 machines now in the span of less than 5 months. It’s been a lot but gotta hit that goal of doing art full time and this helps me and the local artists that get to sell out of it. On Saturdays I go and do inventory counts and maintenance the machine at The Brand Tattoo Shop and work on refurbishing the second machine. I have had to learn how vending machines work and their parts and be my own mechanic. I still have to come up with the mural design for it.
I’m back to running events. This time I helped my friends start The Oddities Art Market, which is our own spooky weird outdoor market. It was just a fun idea to showcase our own weird out but it blew up bigger than we had expected with 1-2k people showing up to the first one and overwhelming it. We’re preparing for our second show now which means I had to draw up the marketing material, promote it on various websites, run the vendor form applications, figured out the vendor map and limit, and all the fun stuff that comes with organizing events. I do it to myself. Besides Oddities, I also help with the Moonlight Market which is a witchy farmers market my other friend and I put on every other month. That’s been pretty successful too and outdoor markets are generally safer now to do.
And then there’s the First Friday Art Trail. Doing that every month and trying to produce more art in between everything. I’ve started doing painting workshops to help with bills and those have been odd and new and fun. I’m not a teacher, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I try my best.
The animals are good. They’ve been going to a local daycare every now and then. Leon loves it, Almond hates it to the point she made herself sick because of social anxiety. They have big personalities. I’m moving to a new house in late July. The lease is signed and I’m saving money to pay the deposits, pet fees, and first month rent (cough cough, if you wanna throw some Patreon or Ko-FI money my way), but mostly I’m just trying to wrap my mind around leaving my little rear house.
This place was my home when I needed it and prison during my darkest moments. It was my first big step into a big, scary new life. Single, heartbroken, lost friends and goals and dreams. I became a new person and found myself again in this house. It was not perfect AT ALL between it’s leaking ceiling, the homeless people camping and yelling behind me, the many flat tires the driveway caused, and the too small space. But it was mine and it was comfort.
Change is scary. It’s uncontrollable. But it is neither good or bad, it just is. We change every second of our life and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. If anything, fighting it only makes us worse. Stagnation is the root of unhappiness. Staying still does nothing but keep us locked with our demons because it means we’re not fighting to be better. We’re not learning, we’re not growing.
I’ve never dealt with change well. I like order and routines and things to be predictable in the way that I can prepare for it. But I’ve learned that embracing the change and accepting it will do so much more good for you than fighting it.
I’m learning and growing and changing and life is chaos and a mess, but that’s what living is. So I’ll keep looking for ways to change my surroundings and the things I don’t like, my this community and place better, strive for better for myself. The dogs will have a new bigger, nicer yard, I’ll have slightly more room for my business, I’ll have a dishwasher and washing machine for the first time in like a decade. I’ll be able to have friends over and not worry about someone tagging my car with spray paint in the alley.
I am not the heartbroken girl that needed the small quirky rear house to hide in and shield her from the world while despair swallowed her whole. The ache in my heart at looking back, seeing all that wasted time while I cocooned myself away. I’m sorry to everyone who tried and pushed away. I’m different and whole and confident and healed and need new things and surroundings that match that.
So here’s to change and time, the ongoing tide that carries you forward to a new you. And thanks for everyone that has stuck around, followed along, supported me during this growth.
I see you and love you.
To new projects and houses and chaos,
-Sam <3