Fall Equinox has come and it's officially the best time of the year!
I thrive in Fall weather. I always get too hot in the summer and freeze in the winter (Spring doesn't exist in Texas), so Fall is the perfect middle ground for me. And by some miracle, we actually are experiencing Fall weather right on time! It's rainy and chilly and I can wear sweaters without dying!
And with the Fall Equinox, comes a bit of introspection. It's been a hard month. Getting Leon back felt like a tipping point. I was working on so many things and as soon as he disappeared, everything stopped. Once we got him back, I thought we could go back to how it was but things had changed. We're always so busy that I felt it had been ages where I could just sit down for a weekend and breathe, watch a movie or play with the animals.
We're constantly going from event to meeting to event all the time and being so busy, we were neglecting not just our house but also the animals. I wanted to be able to go and hang out with friends without it being an event I'm hosting and go to the movies and attend galleries because we want to, not because we have to.
We have less than a year left in Lubbock. This is our last holiday season and it's always busy and flies by so fast. I love what I do, but I also need to realize that I need to take time for myself and live and appreciate everything before suddenly, it's time to go.
So what does that mean?
Well for starters, I unfortunately dropped 365 Project and #52Selfies. When Leon went missing, I stopped doing them and I don't think it'd be right for me to just continue as if there isn't almost a month's gap. I'll have to attempt them again January 1st.
I'm cutting down on some of the events I do and was planning. I've had to turn down a couple of galleries so far just because it wasn't worth killing myself trying to get artwork done so fast to meet the deadlines. I want to enjoy my artwork and the process and the pressure isn't always the best at making it a fun experience. That's the opposite of what I want. It's suppose to be a stress relief and that's less likely if I'm being forced to do it.
I'm also cutting the blog down to Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays instead of Monday-Thursday. That'll help me put out better content and get my shit together, honestly. I love my blog but I don't want to just put out crap for the sake of something getting put out. Taking the photos takes a while and I'd love to have everything written out ahead of time.
October is almost here and it's a huge month. I'm laying out my plan for Inktober and we're attempting to do the 31 Movies in 31 Days challenge, on top of making plans for Disneyland, parties, traveling, animal costumes, and our Halloween Instagram. October kicks off the big holiday season for me and it doesn't stop until March so I need to get prepared. I do not want it to become this overwhelming chaos where I need to drop stuff.
There's also the kittens. Two have been adopted so far, but we're taking care of them until they're a little bigger and when we have time to take them to the new owners. We still have to find homes for Stripes and White and Mae Mae. We've been letting them roam the house every now and then and the kittens have turned into crazy little monsters, getting into everything and playing with whatever they can find. Plus they go through a tooooon of food and litter.
Unfortunately, we recently found out that Mae Mae has miscarried and will not be having anymore kittens. It happened this past week, her due date week, and it's been a hard thing to process. We went from preparing to help her give birth to making sure she and the other kittens are okay. They said sometimes it just happens or she could have had a parasite or any number of things. Whatever it was, it was out of our hands.
It's topped off a pretty crappy month and hit us hard. For now, we're focusing on getting her well and taking care of the kittens we have. We'll be getting her fixed and will be adopting her out as well. She's a complete sweetheart and loves people and pets and attention. If we didn't already have 5 animals, I would love to have kept her and one of the kittens. But they'll be very good pets to someone.
Things are going to get crazy soon and I don't want a repeat of last year where I completely overwhelmed myself and knocked myself back into depression. I'm getting help from people and delegating and making plans. I'm not getting rid of galleries I am holding or our Fall Ladies Night, but I am stepping back a little.
Am I anxious about cutting things back? Definitely. I have this fear of irrelevancy that if I'm not out there all the time, everything I worked or will fall apart. That's the control freak in me. But the thing is, is it worth it if I'm missing out on things myself? I can do what I can to better the community, but there's always going to be work to do. There's no point in killing myself and making myself unhappy.
I'm doing this for me.
The Autumn Equinox is about balance and self evaluation and rebirth. It's the time to reclaim your power and put yourself back on track to being who you are meant to be. My favorite part of the Equinox has always been tied to mythology.
In some older versions of the story of how Persephone came to be Queen of the Underworld and in my favorite version, Persephone is not kidnapped but wanders into the Underworld herself, either out of adventure or to comfort the crying souls herself. She is adventurous and merciful, but confident. She chooses to be there and is not a pawn in a game. Her choices are her's alone and the balance of 6 months in Spring and Winter is her choice. And so now we celebrate the Fall Equinox, the time when night and day are equal and when Persephone descends back into the Underworld and reclaims her spot as Queen and reclaims her power.
I love Persephone and I love what she has come to symbolize. It's my favorite story and I see her as a figure of confidence and growth and coming into yourself. And maybe it's time I take a page out of her book and find a balance for myself and become my own Queen of the Underworld.
-Sam <3